Spotty Herbert and the Luminous Thingy

When the terrible explosion destroyed the custard factory, the criminal gang were believed to have been vaporised. What nobody realised at the time was that one of them, a Colombian drug dealer called Carlos Fandango had gone to the little boy’s room to siphon the python, you know shake the snake, as they say in Bogota. His wedding tackle had been caught in a direct blast of concentrated cabbage juice, which had turned it a bright luminous green colour. Although he washed and scrubbed it several times the offending weapon still glowed in the dark, through his trousers, causing him some embarrassment.

He was already attracting the attention of the old ladies and several rare species of moths as well, but there was something odd about this man, apart from his luminous wedding tackle. You see the fumes from the concentrated cabbage water had affected his brain, leaving him with the amazing ability to know what pigs were thinking

Yes, yes. I know what you are thinking; where the hell is he going with this? I will let you know as soon as I have figured out the plot. Grandad Bert who was actually part of British Intelligence and known as Z, had got wind of Carlos’s survival and started calling him, the man with the bright green peeing machine. He had to find him and see what new criminal activity he was about to undertake.

Also after the custard factory explosion Francis Fuller-Frogs, or was she Countess Our-Soul? Or even Fanny Wong-Chou? Had mysteriously disappeared. Z had always suspected her of masterminding the plans for a narcotic custard empire but could Z be wrong? He believed that she would be planning another dastardly criminal plot to gain world domination, so he set out to find out what was going on. Phew all this catching up is a bit boring, why don’t you just buy the last book, oh yes and volume one as well? Let me make a few pounds just in case I get sued by anyone. When you have done that we can get on with the story.


This book is due to be released in 2017


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